Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Personally, I'm with Jen, "not-dying" is pretty high up on my list. I'd like to live to see my grandchildren, which means I need to live at least thirty more years cause my daughter is only four months old. I'd also like to retire. Isn't that boring? I was talking to a co-worker who just got laid off her day job and pretty much she described my perfect day. All day in bed reading, get up to eat, pee and then...go back to bed. Yeah I'd like to live to see a couple of days like that. I'd also wouldn't mind being able to burn that mortgage. Sooo 29 years, eleven months and counting..... I guess I don't need a bucket list since I don't have any lofty goals for myself. Does that make me boring or just lazy???
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Me: You sure are silly.
7 year old: I can be silly if I want. You are not the boss of silly.
4 year old: I need the umbrella.
Me: It's not raining.
4 year old: Then why do I feel water?
Me: Probably the trees are still wet from earlier.
4 year old: This water sure is wet. I need the umbrella.
7 year old: Mario is Italian.
My brother: How do you know that? Does he talk with his hands?
7 year old: awkward...
My aunt: So do you have any girlfriends?
4 year old: No, but I'm gonna marry Angelina.
My aunt: Why isn't she your girlfriend if you're gonna marry her?
4 year old: I'm waiting for her to grow up so I can marry her.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
So the other day I go outside and it's just starting to rain so I say aloud Oh man! It's raining! (I have a gift for stating the obvious.) Anyway a wiseguy passing says no it's not. It's just your imagination. So I snap back with Oh so my imagination is making me wet? (No I didn't. I totally thought it and thank goodness I didn't because upon reflection that doesn't at all sound good does it??)
I was rolling coins to take to the bank and I made the following discovery. Money is filthy. I mean it's really really dirty. What are you people doing with your money to make it so dirty anyway??
So I was helping the seven year old with his social studies since he is having three tests this week. Is it just me or is it a bit excessive to have three tests in three days on basically the same material... in second grade???? By the way, attempting to teach a second grader to spell Australia and Antarctica correctly is an exercise in frustration. Just saying.
I have a collection agency calling me about a debt from 1994. (actually not me, my husband but same difference) Anyway, you would think after 16 years they would get the hint that they're not gonna get their money, but no they still keep calling every. single. day. Annoying.
So that's what's going on with me. Check out the random happenings of the Unmom and others here.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Day 1: favorite song
Day 2: favorite movie
Day 3: favorite television show
Day 4: favorite book
Day 5: favorite quote
Day 6: 20 of my favorite things
Day 7:a photo that makes you happy
Day 8: a photo that makes you angry or sad
Day 9: a photo you took
Day 10:a photo taken over 10 years ago
Day 11:a recent photo
Day 12:something you are OCD about
Day 13:a fictional book
Day 14 a non-fictional book
Day 15: your dream house
Day 16; a song that makes you cry
Day 17: an art piece
Day 18:my wedding
Day 19:a talent of mine
Day 20: a hobby of mine
Day 21:a recipe
Day 22: a website
Day 23: a you tube video
Day 24:where I live
Day 25:my day in great detail
Day 26: my week in great detail
Day 27:my worst habit
Day 28:what's in my purse
Day 29: plans for the next year
Day 30:a dream for the future beyond next year
Since I've been having trouble blogging every day and getting into the swing of the regular posting, I thought this would help. Fail! Not only haven't I started but this is the first you're hearing about it when I've been pondering it over a week. Double Fail! Definitely going to start tomorrow though...or maybe next week...
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Friday, September 24, 2010
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Whatever you give a woman, she will make it greater. Give her sperm, she will give you a baby. Give her a house, she will give you a home. Give her groceries, she will give you a meal. Give her a smile, she will give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what she is given. So if you give her crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit. This is totally true.
Grounded for a week woo hooo. Dear mom, Grounding does absolutely nothing to me. If you want me to walk around the house singing 24/7 that's fine with me. Yeah, about two hours of that and I'd be ready to throw her out the house.
Enjoy the weather and that special someone (or someones if you're feeling Wood-ish). Yeah those Tiger Woods jokes never get old.
Almost Friday! You can make it, just avoid any wild dumbasses you may see. They are in season. Amazing, I just saw one yesterday!
I said "no" to drugs but they just wouldn't listen. I know a lot of people with that problem.
Someone was wrong cuz I definitely just watched a pot boil. There's always something to do even in the face of extreme boredom.
Sometimes people are like seagulls...they fly in...shit on everything... and leave. That's when you get out the BB gun.
Feel free to share any funny statuses you've seen lately.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Anyone got a magic wand?
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
It has now become the time of year where you have to put on a sweater in the morning cause it's freezing and then at some point during the day it becomes too warm and you have to carry around your sweater all day long or leave it for your friendly neighborhood homeless person, whatever...
Anyone interested in cheap airline tickets? I thought I was until I saw this...
Apparently some ingenious individual thinks it's a good idea to create a new class of passenger, cheaper than economy. If this is the alternative, I have now become a fan of railroad travel.
This is reason 73463 why I will never live in Florida. Who lives in a place where alligators roam the streets? Certainly not me.
My sister posted this on facebook yesterday...
The State of California posts the names of everyone they have executed and whatI love how my sister is concerned with the misappropriation of Coca-Cola. LOL
their last meal was. You know, in case you were wondering what murderers
feel like eating before they die. Turns out a lot of pizza, fried chicken
and ice cream. One guy ordered two pizzas, three cartons of ice cream and
3 six packs of Coke. How long is their last meal?!?!? There is no
way he drank 18 sodas. What a waste.
Feel free to join the Unmom for Random Tuesday Thoughts, this week featuring peanut butter and jalapenos. You know you want to.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Mortgage Processor: Hello, Mrs Rodriguez, I need receipts that prove you spent $6 on coffee last week.
Me: I already sent you a receipt for the entire grocery shopping in which I spent much more than $6.
Mortgage Processor: Yes but according to this receipt you only spent $5.98 on coffee and since tea doesn't count so I'm gonna need you to buy more coffee and send me an additional receipt.
Mortgage Processor: Mrs Rodriguez, I recieved the last fax of 30,000 papers but on page 19,062, your husband signed but forgot to date. Please date and then refax that portion.
Me: OK (Then proceed to beat husband over the head for neglecting to date the damn paper.)
Yes, it's that ridiculous. So sometime this century, hopefully they will decide they know enough about me to close on our house so that I will experience the joy of moving. (Not) Seriously, we are about at the point where we are wondering of the whole thing has been a horrendous mistake. That probably means we are about done.
In other news, my sister somehow conned me into signing up for a 5K on Sunday. This should be interesting since I have yet to open the treadmill since having the baby. Don't get me wrong, I usually am pretty gung ho about the running thing and prior to having the baby was considering upping the usual 5k to a 10K but when she broached the subject, I must of had a short circuit in my brain when I failed to realize that I need to train for this kind of thing. Unfortunately after waking at 6 and being with the kids all day and then going to work to stand on my feet for four hours I don't usually come home thinking, yes I want to run 3 miles. If you do, I'm sorry but you should seek help. I still plan to run it so this may be my last week blogging as I will be dead come Monday. It was nice knowing you.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Now here is why I love my family. Everyone who brought gifts for the baby also managed to remember mommy. I got cake, wine, and seven books. My family knows me so well. Now that I'm finished with the books I'm just about ready to enter the blogging world again. I'll be around in the next day or so to say hello.
I hope everyone will have a wonderful 4th. We'll be grilling in proper independence day fashion if we can keep from wilting in the upper 90 temperatures which are being forecast.
Sorry I totally meant to post pics with this. Well we'll just have to have a picture post on Monday.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
So I went to the doctor yesterday. She claims that 1. I haven't gained any weight in 4 weeks and 2. the baby isn't big enough to be 36 weeks. (more like 31 weeks) WTH?! What does that mean? I certainly hope she doesn't expect me to carry this baby another nine weeks because that ain't happening. She referred me for a follow up ultrasound so they could check on things. Idiot doctors.
The four year old has been singing Come Out and Play by The Offspring lately. WTH? I don't even know where he got it from. I mean it may have been on the radio at one point but how he managed to pick up the lyrics is beyond me. Well I suppose it's better than some of the things the six year old sings.
These complaints brought to you by the Blue Monkey Butt sisters, for all your complaining needs...at least on Wednesdays.
Friday, May 28, 2010
(This is where I get lazy and don't want to think of something original to write and you get to have all your nosy questions answered.) LOL
Five Question Friday!
1. Is there something you've always wanted to try but you can't muster up the courage to actually do yet?
Not really. All the things that I want to do but can't are being held up by pregnancy, children, marriage, money, etc. etc.
2. If you had $100 handed to you in cash without your significant other knowing about it, what would you spend it on?
I'd go out for a really nice lunch with the kids in Ruby Tuesday or something. Then we'd hit the bookstore. (I know, I sooo live on the wild side.)
3. What was your favorite piece of playground equipment as a child?I always loved the swings. I still do but personally I can't swing as high or fast anymore because I get dizzy. It's very annoying.
4. Do you prefer a sweet or hearty breakfast?
Definitely a hearty breakfast. I don't have much of a sweet tooth. As a matter of fact, I find it difficult to eat sweets at all before lunch. My favorite breakfast is eggs, bacon, home fries, bagels and orange juice.
5. Are you a Neat Freak or a Messy Bessy?
This is a tough one. I really wouldn't consider myself either. In our house it's really a combination of my husband and I that keep the house neat. I can't stand the dirt and he can't stand the clutter. It's a miracle we have anything really. I don't function well when everything is a mess but at the same time I hate to clean. It's a dilemma.
Hope you all have a wonderful Memorial Day weekend!!
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Monday, May 24, 2010
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Anyway, in the first we are going to a museum as a family. (That's not the crazy part even though I doubt my husband would be caught dead in a museum.) So for some reason there is a super long line waiting to park in the parking garage down the street from the museum (as if a huge sporting event was going on or something) So I decided (and here's the crazy part) to let the six year old drop me off in front and park the car himself. So while my son is parking the car in this multi level garage down the street, the hubby and I are walking around looking at paintings. So at some point, I decided that the six year old was taking too long, so walk over to the garage to find him. When I get there I find my car but no son and here's where it occurs to me that he might have gotten lost on the way back from the garage. Then I receive a call from the gatehouse at my condo complex that my son is there and crying cause he can't find me. SMH. How he got there without the car is beyond me.
In the next dream, I'm in Massachusetts going to the movie theater in some hick town somewhere. Now this co-worker of mine asks for directions to said hick town. (Ignore the fact that I don't work and therefore don't have any co-workers) So instead of having GPS like a normal person in this day and age and instead of just printing out directions from Mapquest or Google or Yahoo, I proceed to write out longhand these directions. So this guy keeps making fun of me because for some reason I continuously misspell these directions. Don't ask me why, even as I was having the dream, I was thinking that the words were too simple to be misspelled but there you go.
Anywho, I had these two dreams back to back which might mean something but I don't know what.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Saturday, May 8, 2010
So as usual these awards have rules. I try to play along when I can. (or at least when it's convenient.) This one asks that I share 7 things about myself. So I stole some questions from
1. What has been your most memorable Mother's Day?
Well my favorite was when my sisters took my mother and I out for lunch. It is always cool to me that my sisters go out of their way to wish me a Happy Mother's Day . (BTW Thanks Paloma for the chocolate covered strawberries which I got yesterday since I won't see her on Mother's Day.) See, aren't they cool?
2. Have you ever been pulled over for speeding and were you able to talk your way out of it?
No, I've never been pulled over for speeding. Maybe I'm too fast for the radar guns to catch. No, that's probably not it.
3. What's the oldest thing you have hanging in your closet?
My high school letter sweater. (Track captain, thank you very much.)
4. Do you whiten your teeth?
Only if whitening toothpaste counts.
5. Underwear or panties...What do you call your unmentionables?
Panties, although I don't usually go around discussing them. Hence, the un in unmentionables.
6. If you could go on vacation right now, today...where would you go?
I assume this means I have an unlimited budget as well. In which case, a western caribbean cruise of at least a week. or two. okay twist my arm, three.
7. Do you get offended when people cuss on their blogs?
No. Sometime the occasional F bomb is necessary to express a point. Having said that I don't think I would regularly read someone who was F this and Mother effing that every other word. That would be annoying.
8. If you had to give up one luxury item, it would be?
My cell phone. People could just call my house phone, or email me.
So now I have to pass on this award to some other bloggers. Since Mother's Day is tomorrow I decided to pass it on to some mom bloggers who have been having a tough time. After all don't presents make everyone feel better?
The Unknown Mami
Lucy the Valiant
Happy Mother's Day everyone!
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Thursday, April 29, 2010
After watching this, the 6 year old said, take that red guy out, he's ruining the video! Personally I thought he had hardly any time on camera so gave him an opportunity to star in his own video.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Want to know what really sucks? Being pregnant and unable to take anything! My throat hurts, my nose is stuffy, I'm sneezing and coughing... I have been informed that I can take Tylenol if a fever develops. That's soooo not helpful. Now why is it when I am so tired, my body is physically exhausted, I can't sleep? WTH? Doesn't it realize if I got some sleep, I just might feel better? I decided its the weather's fault. First its nice and warm and sunny, then its cold and rainy, then its rainy and warm, then cold and sunny and supposedly tomorrow, hot and sunny again. If the weather was a person, it would be a multiple personality.
Well that's my complaint for the day, I'm too tired to think of anything else. For more creative posts, see the Blue Monkey Butt sisters.
Monday, April 26, 2010
So now's your chance to find out some completely random stuff about me via Ian's questions.
1. What drugs have you done in your life?
Oh the usual, Tylenol, Advil and the occasional Vicoden.
Can I just tell you that I had to have that translated for me. Google informs me that it means Age/Sex/Location. The fact that I had to look it up tells you all you need to know about my age. If I tell you anymore, I'd have to put a hit out on you. As for my sex I'm a girl. Have you noticed all the pink around here? Unless you wanted a yes/no answer in which case yes I have some. Case in point, baby now currently residing in tummy. My location is Union County, NJ which for those not in the know is the North East section of Jersey.
3. Do you pick your nose?
No, God picked mine out and I'm happy with it.
4.What's your favorite childhood cartoon?
This question assumes that as a child I watched cartoons enough to have a favorite. Not so much true.
5. List the URL of the best blog post you've ever done.
What? This one doesn't count? I like to think of myself as a great wine that just gets better with time. So today's is the best followed by yesterday's followed by the day before. It just makes sense. Doesn't it?
Friday, April 23, 2010
This week he steadfastly refused. He was whining, crying, deliberately misspelling words. (Generally being a pain in my rear.) So I gave him a choice. He could be punished all day Friday, Saturday and Sunday (No TV, no computer, no DS) or he could work on his spelling. Guess what he chose? That's right, the fun fun punishment!
It's gonna be a long weekend....
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Lately you have been frustrated with my laziness. I'm sorry. Here's the thing though. Those two hours when the boys are in school are my only time when absolutely no one wants anything from me. (except for you who obviously want me to be slaving in the house at that time.) So it is hard for me to give up my peace and quiet/computer time and do mundane chores like laundry and mopping.
Good news though. In two months, the baby will be born and both boys will be out of school so I will have no peace, no quiet and no free time and so no reason not to do the chores. Hold on until then, okay?
Your wife not your slave
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
We have been trying to find a bigger house to live in since I don't want to share a room with baby girl forever. (9 months in utero is enough, really) Here's some post it notes to let you know how our search has been going.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Me: You just had a snack. How many snacks do you need?
4 year old: 2
6 year old: 3 hundred, 5 thousand and 10.
4 year old: Do you want to have a vacation in Paradise? Cause it looks nice there.
Me: Yes. (Who doesn't?)
4 year old: Oh! Great piles of catfish! (I think he heard this on Veggie Tales and was just waiting for the right opportunity to use it.)
4 year old's teacher: Oh are you Prince Charming? (He was wearing a shirt which had a frog with a crown on it.) He looks at her with a puzzled face.
Teacher: What happens when you kiss the frog? He turns into a prince!
4 year old: This is just a shirt.
4 year old:If I eat a lot of food, I'll get a big tummy with a baby in it, right mom?
4 year old: I love you.
Me: I love you too. (Kisses me.)
4 year old: Do my kisses make you happy?
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
The kids were off all last week on Easter break and so rather than stick around the house and let them drive me nuts, I planned lots of excursions. We had picnics in the park, kite flying, a hike in the woods (seven months pregnant, one hour hike, 95 degree temperatures, guess how that went), a barbecue and went to a show. We also started soccer season last week. The worst part about this is the boys are on different teams which play the same day in different fields. (And, as was the case on Saturday, at the same time.) Since I haven't mastered bilocation yet, I was forced to rely on family members to stay with the six year old while I took the four year old to his game. Luckily this week one has a game at 9 am while the other isn't until 11:30 so it will give me plenty of time to go from one to the other. (Of course this also means I can say goodbye to leisurely Saturday mornings for the time being.)
Now back to your regularly scheduled program....
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Since I've noticed all your political statuses lately For some reason, he was in favor of the health care bill and was posting about it nonstop, I thought you might be interested to know that you share a birthday with Al Gore. Personally, I think he's a tree hugger and a sore loser but then I don't have to share a birthday with him, do I? Don't worry, we don't have to get into it today, I know this whole liberal thing is a phase you young people go through. I, too, was a liberal for like three minutes in 1988. Then after I was hospitalized for a loss of blood, I got over it. Bleeding hearts aren't my thing. Anyway, happy birthday!
Love your evil stepmother,
and for the other...
Happy Birthday! It's unfortunate that you have to spend it in that terrible place known as Miami. I still can't believe people live there, ON PURPOSE. I heard a rumor that it is going to be 80 and sunny out there today. I'm glad to hear you are getting a break from the constant hurricanes. Of course, as you already know, too much sunshine causes cancer, so enjoy your day outside today and then quickly hide inside with the shade and air conditioning....or move to NJ We hardly ever get hurricanes, floods maybe..., your choice.
So better than just happy birthday, right? It's the gift of laughter, your welcome.
Monday, April 5, 2010
Anyway, my brother didn't send one to me. Instead when he got back, he decided to post the following to my other brother. To fully get this letter you have to know that David gets his kicks on Facebook by messing with his profile page. At the time of this post, he was a widower living in Cape May but formerly from Flatbush. He's also a surgeon who gives museum tours in his spare time while waiting to graduate from high school. (yeah none of this is true.)
Over the weekend the women decided to profess their love for one another Facebook style. They neglected to mention the men in their lives. We can't help it if you were lame and out of touch. Now since you and I know how we feel about each other (we're way too cool for public displays of sibling affection) I propose we profess our love of butt nekkid hoes, hood rats, fly honeys and old-fashioned prostitutes. And all this time I thought a ho was a ho was a ho. Obviously, I've lived a sheltered life. To do this, I think we need to take our space shuttle to go kayaking on the moon with some of Tiger Wood's leftovers Wait. He left some?, then pour out a little liquor for your dead wife in Flatbush and celebrate her life and times by visiting all the gentleman's establishments in the greater Cape May area. Yeah that's exactly what I want my husband to do when I'm gone. Right after he goes blind with grief. What say you?
Unfortunately David did not respond so I did instead.
Dear Little Brother, Yes, his status as nearly two years younger means that despite the fact that he is half a foot taller than me, he will always be little.
This is to warn you of heading to places without Internet service (like Massachusetts). Not only do you miss out on sending me letters for the cyber world's amusement but you are also reduced to semi attired women and booze for entertainment. Lucky for you it was cold and rainy this weekend or you would have also missed out on a rockin barbecue. You have been warned.
My favorite older sister, Despite the fact that I am his only older sister, I choose to take this as a compliment.
You know that feeling when you check the mailbox and you have a letter from a good friend you never hear from? If I never hear from them, why are they my friends? No? Me either. We're not THAT old. Got that right. But I've heard that it's a pretty good feeling. This must be almost like that, only completely different. Because let's face it, there's no feeling like getting a letter that you asked -nay, demanded- from someone. Hopefully this letter feels like that feeling you get from a friend who forgot your actual birthday but called you like a week later and said happy belated birthday. You mean friends in the hospital with amnesia? Cause that's the only acceptable excuse. You know that feeling? Again, not so much. Me either. Anyway for your next blog, if you could write to the writers of ALL reality TV, I would appreciate it because American Idol isn't the only reality show that sucks this year. (See Stars, Dancing with the and Apprentice, Celebrity) K Thanks. Bye.
Sometime after these posts and the corresponding 64 comments that followed mine (not even the record yet) my brother posted this status. J is getting ready to delete 6.3 million emails from facebook...thanks girls. To which I responded, Your welcome, of course.
Friday, April 2, 2010
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Lately, my husband has been home in the mornings to "help" me get the kids ready for school. Notice the quotes. That's because when I say help, I really mean get in my way, make everything take twenty minutes longer than it needs to and give me another person that I have to listen complain before 7 am. Say for instance I make pancakes for the kids one morning. Now on this particular morning, the six year old decided he didn't like syrup. I don't know why. Anyway, my normal response would be, well eat your pancakes without them or starve until lunch. Cause I'm that kind of mom. My husband's response was to pull out another pan and make him eggs instead. What the hell? Now I have an additional pan to clean as well as having lost all the time it took him to make the eggs. Thanks for the "help" hun. Also telling me that I have to get up earlier even with the extra help so we can get out the door ontime, not helpful.
The other day I was sent a message online from a random Julio Rodriguez that said "love that last name cuz its mine" What the hell? Does he send messages like that to all the Rodriguezes on Facebook? Cause I'm guessing I'm not the only Rodriguez on Facebook. Really he must be seriously hard up for friends and family if that's the best he could do.