WTH is with me lately?!?

My kids being red blooded Americans did their patriotic duty and brought home a butt load of candy for Halloween. Now here's where I let you in on the dirty secret. I rarely let them eat candy. Okay on Halloween they had a couple of pieces and maybe two additional pieces since then but that's pretty much it. So what have I been doing with all this junk? I'll tell you. I've been eating it. I, who generally doesn't have a sweet tooth, and would rather have a beef patty than a chocolate bar, have been scarfing down the candy at regular intervals. I would excuse myself if say, I was having a craving for skittles or snickers and then went to find one. No, me?, I've been going in the kitchen and out of a utter laziness to make myself something eat a piece of candy in lieu of what I actually want. Seriously, I need help. So should I just take the entire bag of candy and chuck it or what? Do you ever find yourself eating things you don't really want?

My Bucket List

Okay so my sister sent me an article written by Jen Lancaster. If you haven't read anything by her, you're missing out cause she's amazing. Anyway she's thinking about if she should write a bucket list and reading what's on other people's bucket lists. Apparently, people have these visions of themselves going on African safaris, jumping out of airplanes, climbing tall mountains and other extremely hard, semi-suicidal things.

Personally, I'm with Jen, "not-dying" is pretty high up on my list. I'd like to live to see my grandchildren, which means I need to live at least thirty more years cause my daughter is only four months old. I'd also like to retire. Isn't that boring? I was talking to a co-worker who just got laid off her day job and pretty much she described my perfect day. All day in bed reading, get up to eat, pee and then...go back to bed. Yeah I'd like to live to see a couple of days like that. I'd also wouldn't mind being able to burn that mortgage. Sooo 29 years, eleven months and counting..... I guess I don't need a bucket list since I don't have any lofty goals for myself. Does that make me boring or just lazy???

To Blog or not to blog

Did you know that it's National Blog Posting Month? Well it is. I have it on good authority. Unfortunately I am a certified blog failure, since I can't organize any rhyme or reason to my posts. I have just come off a six day straight work week which especially sucks since although I got a lot of hours in, there were very few customers. Don't ask me why. Don't they know it is 50 days to Christmas? Someone should be shopping. Anyway since my garage is still full of boxes, my four month old still won't sleep through the night, the economy has dictated I must work myself into the ground, this is basically all you're gonna get for a blog post. Tune in for your next episode of the young (no wisecracks) and insanely busy.

What the hell, shoppers?!?

So I don't know if I've mentioned this but I've started working nights in a department store. I'm working by commission in the Fine Jewelry department. This is good and bad. It's good because I get to play with all the pretty sparkly things but I'm relying on people to buy those things for my paycheck every week. So you can imagine I meet quite a few characters in my line of work.

This one evening I was helping a guy pick out some things for his significant other. So he's looking and agonizing over this piece versus that piece etc. Anyway at one point he tells me his hesitation is because he isn't sure she deserves it. (HaHa, very funny...not.) In the end he bought a very nice black and white diamond set. (ring, earrings and pendant) My guess is that she should've got the bracelet too for putting up with him. Anyway, on a completely separate occasion I have a guy picking out a diamond pendant when at one point he tells me he isn't sure she's worthy. (Excuse me? WTH? Did they get together to come up with this bad joke? Men, do not use this joke. Not only isn't it funny, it doesn't even have the saving grace of being original anymore.) So yesterday I have a couple in the jewelry department picking out pieces. She tells him she wants this piece and that piece and confides that they are about to celebrate their 20th anniversary. So of course I say, Congratulations! His response? No, no, no, I've been putting up with her for this long you should feel sorry for me. So she rolls her eyes at him. Honestly, what the hell is with these men? Like their lives were soooo wonderful before. Good grief the majority of wives spend their days cooking and cleaning up after the lazy bastards and they think they're getting the raw end of the deal. I'd like to see them work and clean while 7 months pregnant. The human race would die out. Okay, that's the end of my rant on useless men. I'm sure all my male readers are enlightened, help around the house and are happy to buy their wives diamonds on their anniversary.

So back to weirdos shopping for jewelry. So this fat, sloppy, nearly toothless guy comes to the department. (I'm sorry if you saw him you wouldn't be able to come up with polite euphemisms either.) Anyway, he picks out a couple of pairs of silver earrings and confides that they're for his girlfriend because he doesn't want to lose her. (My immediate thought was then he needs to spend a few hundred dollars more than he has.) ANYway, he continues with his life story of how his wife died last year and this 'wonderful' woman came into his life but she has gout and other health problems and that's why he's afraid he'll lose her too...and she had dental surgery earlier in the week cause her teeth weren't as good as his...(WTH??? I really didn't need the image of TWO fat toothless individuals in my head.) and now she's in the hospital for complications from some other thing etc. etc. etc. OMG. It's always nice to hear a little background when people are buying things but really!! Anyday now I'm gonna start charging extra for advice.

Here's some for free... Join Stacy at Blue Monkey Butt to publish your WTH experiences.

Things Kids Say Thursday #6

4 year old: Sorry Mom, no time to talk now.






Me: You sure are silly.

7 year old: I can be silly if I want. You are not the boss of silly.







4 year old: I need the umbrella.

Me: It's not raining.

4 year old: Then why do I feel water?

Me: Probably the trees are still wet from earlier.

4 year old: This water sure is wet. I need the umbrella.

7 year old: Mario is Italian.

My brother: How do you know that? Does he talk with his hands?

7 year old: awkward...

My aunt: So do you have any girlfriends?

4 year old: No, but I'm gonna marry Angelina.

My aunt: Why isn't she your girlfriend if you're gonna marry her?

4 year old: I'm waiting for her to grow up so I can marry her.

Random Tuesday Thoughts

So the other day I go outside and it's just starting to rain so I say aloud Oh man! It's raining! (I have a gift for stating the obvious.) Anyway a wiseguy passing says no it's not. It's just your imagination. So I snap back with Oh so my imagination is making me wet? (No I didn't. I totally thought it and thank goodness I didn't because upon reflection that doesn't at all sound good does it??)

I was rolling coins to take to the bank and I made the following discovery. Money is filthy. I mean it's really really dirty. What are you people doing with your money to make it so dirty anyway??

So I was helping the seven year old with his social studies since he is having three tests this week. Is it just me or is it a bit excessive to have three tests in three days on basically the same material... in second grade???? By the way, attempting to teach a second grader to spell Australia and Antarctica correctly is an exercise in frustration. Just saying.

I have a collection agency calling me about a debt from 1994. (actually not me, my husband but same difference) Anyway, you would think after 16 years they would get the hint that they're not gonna get their money, but no they still keep calling every. single. day. Annoying.

So that's what's going on with me. Check out the random happenings of the Unmom and others here.

Blogger Fail

So I have been noticing some bloggers talking about the 30 Day Blogger challenge. Basically it is to write a post every day for 30 days on the following topics:

Day 1: favorite song

Day 2: favorite movie

Day 3: favorite television show

Day 4: favorite book

Day 5: favorite quote

Day 6: 20 of my favorite things

Day 7:a photo that makes you happy

Day 8: a photo that makes you angry or sad

Day 9: a photo you took

Day 10:a photo taken over 10 years ago

Day 11:a recent photo

Day 12:something you are OCD about

Day 13:a fictional book

Day 14 a non-fictional book

Day 15: your dream house

Day 16; a song that makes you cry

Day 17: an art piece

Day 18:my wedding

Day 19:a talent of mine

Day 20: a hobby of mine

Day 21:a recipe

Day 22: a website

Day 23: a you tube video

Day 24:where I live

Day 25:my day in great detail

Day 26: my week in great detail

Day 27:my worst habit

Day 28:what's in my purse

Day 29: plans for the next year

Day 30:a dream for the future beyond next year

Since I've been having trouble blogging every day and getting into the swing of the regular posting, I thought this would help. Fail! Not only haven't I started but this is the first you're hearing about it when I've been pondering it over a week. Double Fail! Definitely going to start tomorrow though...or maybe next week...

TV rant

Once upon a time when there was a show I liked on tv I could tune in week after week for the new episodes. Has anyone else noticed the time between the season premiere and the finale getting shorter and shorter? I watch this show on TNT, the Closer. I got a measly 10 episodes! Is that supposed to pass for a full season? But the absolute kicker was this new show I was watching on HGTV, All American Handyman. It was supposed to be a competition between 20 guys and girls for the title. If you didn't see it, don't worry, you didn't miss much. Four episodes!!!! That's all. Really???? They eliminated 10 people in the very first show. I don't understand, don't they want me to watch their shows on their network? It's enough to make me turn to network television. Luckily the television Gods have started me with new seasons of other shows. Bones, House, Modern Family, Dancing with the Stars... Personally I think the television producers have ADD. Or maybe they think we do...

My F Bomb Moment

Okay MiMi I got an F Bomb for ya today. Okay so maybe I'm the only one who considers it F Bomb worthy but guess whose blog this is? So you get to hear about it. Earlier this week, I was innocently getting ready for my day when I discovered...a grey hair. That's right F$%%! I am much much much too young to be going grey. So dear followers I need your advice. Do I leave it alone until it's joined by its friends and family? Do I pluck that sucker out? or Do I rush out for the Clairol and color it into oblivion? What to do..What to do...

Not on my head they don't....

Run around and Run around and Run around some more

So yesterday, I woke up, got the kids dressed, fed and ready for school and then dropped them off. Then I came back home. Then I went to the bank to get a bank check for just about all my money to bring to closing with me. Than I came home to pick up the hubby. Then I went to my future home for a walk through with the agent. They took all their furniture and left the house still standing so that went well. Then I went to the school to pick up the seven year old because he was complaining of stomach pains and wanted to come home. Then I went to the attorney's office to sign 6 million papers, hand over my check and 3 pints of blood in return for the key to our house. (Yea! Yea! Yea!) Of course at the last minute they tell me that the full oil tank is gonna have to be paid for at a cost of $1320. That's right no warning, just hit me up for an extra grand. And my attorney says I got a good deal....What does he know anyway? Anyway, so back home I go to drop off the hubby so he can pick up his car and go to work, while I pick up the four year old from school and bring them back home. Make out the check (blood suckers) and off to the post office to send it as per instructions. Then to pick up boxes for packing, make dinner, get the kids ready for bed and start calling the utility companies to change things over to our name. Yep, that was my day off. So you wanna see my new house? You know you want to......

Random Facebook Statuses

I have a very humerous Facebook community. Really it's the only reson I keep Facebook, for entertainment and blog fodder. Here are some of the statuses on my news feed lately.

Whatever you give a woman, she will make it greater. Give her sperm, she will give you a baby. Give her a house, she will give you a home. Give her groceries, she will give you a meal. Give her a smile, she will give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what she is given. So if you give her crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit. This is totally true.



Grounded for a week woo hooo. Dear mom, Grounding does absolutely nothing to me. If you want me to walk around the house singing 24/7 that's fine with me. Yeah, about two hours of that and I'd be ready to throw her out the house.



Enjoy the weather and that special someone (or someones if you're feeling Wood-ish). Yeah those Tiger Woods jokes never get old.



Almost Friday! You can make it, just avoid any wild dumbasses you may see. They are in season. Amazing, I just saw one yesterday!



I said "no" to drugs but they just wouldn't listen. I know a lot of people with that problem.




Someone was wrong cuz I definitely just watched a pot boil. There's always something to do even in the face of extreme boredom.




Sometimes people are like seagulls...they fly in...shit on everything... and leave. That's when you get out the BB gun.

Feel free to share any funny statuses you've seen lately.

Okay, so I chickened out. It's really because I love my siblings and didn't want them to have to carry me the last mile of that 5K. They finished in 32 minutes and have now challenged me to beat that time in the next 5K, currently scheduled for October 17. *Sigh* I have less than a month to go from
this















to this.














Anyone got a magic wand?

Random Tuesday News

It has now become the time of year where you have to put on a sweater in the morning cause it's freezing and then at some point during the day it becomes too warm and you have to carry around your sweater all day long or leave it for your friendly neighborhood homeless person, whatever...







Anyone interested in cheap airline tickets? I thought I was until I saw this...























Apparently some ingenious individual thinks it's a good idea to create a new class of passenger, cheaper than economy. If this is the alternative, I have now become a fan of railroad travel.

























This is reason 73463 why I will never live in Florida. Who lives in a place where alligators roam the streets? Certainly not me.






My sister posted this on facebook yesterday...

The State of California posts the names of everyone they have executed and what
their last meal was. You know, in case you were wondering what murderers
feel like eating before they die. Turns out a lot of pizza, fried chicken
and ice cream. One guy ordered two pizzas, three cartons of ice cream and
3 six packs of Coke. How long is their last meal?!?!? There is no
way he drank 18 sodas. What a waste.

I love how my sister is concerned with the misappropriation of Coca-Cola. LOL



Feel free to join the Unmom for Random Tuesday Thoughts, this week featuring peanut butter and jalapenos. You know you want to.

My life, with kids, a job and other stuff designed to ruin my life.

So I have been a horribly neglectful blogger. I have probably been removed from other people's blogrolls, unfollowed and otherwise erased from the memories of my faithful readers but I swear it's not my fault. First I had a baby on June 24 and heaven knows a six year old, a four year old and an infant who demands to be fed every three hours is work. Don't believe me ask any mom you know. Anyway, I have been trying hard to keep up with the boys despite having the baby. Then, certain government officials who shall remain nameless decided to ruin the economy and my life, forcing me (kicking and screaming) back into the workforce. If that weren't bad enough, it's a sales position based on commission so I can't go there and fool around online while at work. (Well I could, but then I would be getting dressed up and going into work for nothing.) So because working at night and taking care of three kids was not enough, we put an offer on a house. Yippee for having a new house with space for all my books (What, did you think I did it for the kids? Yeah, right.) Boo to packing which I started yesterday. I hate packing... and unpacking. So if you have ever bought a house you may be familiar with the process during which you must produce every single piece of paperwork on your life history and then sign and date six kazillion papers. Every day, I get a call that goes something like this.

Mortgage Processor: Hello, Mrs Rodriguez, I need receipts that prove you spent $6 on coffee last week.
Me: I already sent you a receipt for the entire grocery shopping in which I spent much more than $6.
Mortgage Processor: Yes but according to this receipt you only spent $5.98 on coffee and since tea doesn't count so I'm gonna need you to buy more coffee and send me an additional receipt.

or

Mortgage Processor: Mrs Rodriguez, I recieved the last fax of 30,000 papers but on page 19,062, your husband signed but forgot to date. Please date and then refax that portion.
Me: OK (Then proceed to beat husband over the head for neglecting to date the damn paper.)

Yes, it's that ridiculous. So sometime this century, hopefully they will decide they know enough about me to close on our house so that I will experience the joy of moving. (Not) Seriously, we are about at the point where we are wondering of the whole thing has been a horrendous mistake. That probably means we are about done.

In other news, my sister somehow conned me into signing up for a 5K on Sunday. This should be interesting since I have yet to open the treadmill since having the baby. Don't get me wrong, I usually am pretty gung ho about the running thing and prior to having the baby was considering upping the usual 5k to a 10K but when she broached the subject, I must of had a short circuit in my brain when I failed to realize that I need to train for this kind of thing. Unfortunately after waking at 6 and being with the kids all day and then going to work to stand on my feet for four hours I don't usually come home thinking, yes I want to run 3 miles. If you do, I'm sorry but you should seek help. I still plan to run it so this may be my last week blogging as I will be dead come Monday. It was nice knowing you.

And I'm Still Alive....

I know you probably thought I fell off the face of the Earth but no, I've just been having a baby. She finally arrived on June 24th at 6 pounds 13 ounces. Anyway it has been an adjustment having an extra little person around the house. I had a fairly normal delivery with just a few stitches in strategic locations. (She just wasn't small enough I guess.) I went into the hospital with contractions on June 3 originally. They told me to go home and lie down and drink water. Completely ignoring the fact that with a six and a four year old at home, there is no lying down allowed, after drinking as much water as I could stand, I lost four pounds in the last three weeks of my pregnancy. Also, the contractions really didn't stop so much as come less frequently. Verrrry Annoying. So I felt some relief when I finally started dialating on the 21st. My water broke early in the morning of the 24th. Baby girl was born at 7:20 am.



Now here is why I love my family. Everyone who brought gifts for the baby also managed to remember mommy. I got cake, wine, and seven books. My family knows me so well. Now that I'm finished with the books I'm just about ready to enter the blogging world again. I'll be around in the next day or so to say hello.


I hope everyone will have a wonderful 4th. We'll be grilling in proper independence day fashion if we can keep from wilting in the upper 90 temperatures which are being forecast.




Sorry I totally meant to post pics with this. Well we'll just have to have a picture post on Monday.

What the Hell Wednesday - 6/2/2010

You know what the worst thing about a hot, humid day in the 80's? It's having a pool you can't swim in. Picture it, nice cool pool water, hot sunny day, not allowed to get in. WTH, right? Our condo association has the pool only open on weekends until the 20th or something. Fascist pigs. Cheap bastards. Masochists.

So I went to the doctor yesterday. She claims that 1. I haven't gained any weight in 4 weeks and 2. the baby isn't big enough to be 36 weeks. (more like 31 weeks) WTH?! What does that mean? I certainly hope she doesn't expect me to carry this baby another nine weeks because that ain't happening. She referred me for a follow up ultrasound so they could check on things. Idiot doctors.

The four year old has been singing Come Out and Play by The Offspring lately. WTH? I don't even know where he got it from. I mean it may have been on the radio at one point but how he managed to pick up the lyrics is beyond me. Well I suppose it's better than some of the things the six year old sings.

These complaints brought to you by the Blue Monkey Butt sisters, for all your complaining needs...at least on Wednesdays.

Five Question Friday 5/28

(This is where I get lazy and don't want to think of something original to write and you get to have all your nosy questions answered.) LOL


Five Question Friday!





1. Is there something you've always wanted to try but you can't muster up the courage to actually do yet?

Not really. All the things that I want to do but can't are being held up by pregnancy, children, marriage, money, etc. etc.





2. If you had $100 handed to you in cash without your significant other knowing about it, what would you spend it on?

I'd go out for a really nice lunch with the kids in Ruby Tuesday or something. Then we'd hit the bookstore. (I know, I sooo live on the wild side.)

3. What was your favorite piece of playground equipment as a child?

I always loved the swings. I still do but personally I can't swing as high or fast anymore because I get dizzy. It's very annoying.


4. Do you prefer a sweet or hearty breakfast?

Definitely a hearty breakfast. I don't have much of a sweet tooth. As a matter of fact, I find it difficult to eat sweets at all before lunch. My favorite breakfast is eggs, bacon, home fries, bagels and orange juice.




5. Are you a Neat Freak or a Messy Bessy?

This is a tough one. I really wouldn't consider myself either. In our house it's really a combination of my husband and I that keep the house neat. I can't stand the dirt and he can't stand the clutter. It's a miracle we have anything really. I don't function well when everything is a mess but at the same time I hate to clean. It's a dilemma.


Hope you all have a wonderful Memorial Day weekend!!

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

Okay first an update on the contractions. I had contraction 8 or 9 minutes apart for most of Tuesday. After I made dinner, gave the kids baths and put them to bed I was able to lay down and put my feet up and they slowed and stopped. (Will wonders never cease?) So from this I can conclude 1) that the baby was objecting to my having to run around doing errands and chores all day or 2) she wants out and I shouldn't stop moving until she does. Guess which one I'm going with? That's the good.

Six year old's think that they are original. This morning my six year old took his vitamin wrapped it up in his napkin and then attempted to throw it away. He was a little surprised by the fact that I was on to him. Then he proceeded to have a temper tantrum on the floor in lieu of taking the aforementioned vitamin. For this bad behavior, he is going to have a very, very bad afternoon.

Now for the ugly behavior of the four year old. He fell asleep in the car on the way home from school. I woke him up to bring him in the house. This was his response. "I don't like you. I don't like Dad and I don't like you. I only like the six year old and myself. I don't like you because I only like people who go away." He quickly changed his tune when I went inside and left him alone outside.

Thank you for joining me for this episode of the good the bad and the ugly. Here's hoping your Thursday has more good and less bad and ugly.

Random Tuesday: Where No One Gets Shot, Unfortunately

Today is my sister's birthday. The baby girl is trying to steal her birthday. That's right, I'm typing this while having contractions nine minutes apart. Is that blogger dedication or what???

Possibly, they are just Braxton-Hicks. Braxton-Hicks should be shot. Just saying.

Speaking of people who should be shot....my husband was blaming me for because he received a collection letter for a service we cancelled in January. Hello, is it my fault??? I called them and took care of it this morning. Seriously, I don't get paid enough for this crap. Wait. I don't get paid. That sucks. See if he got shot, I'd get paid. I mean, that's what I paid that life insurance bill for. Life is all kinds of not fair.

I hate finales. If they expect me to tune in, it better be for new episodes. Maybe the TV execs should be shot too!

I have to go to the supermarket but I think shopping while having contractions is above and beyond the call of duty. I don't get paid enough for that either.

So that's all for random Tuesday. (Sarcasm provided at no extra charge.)

Monday Morning

It's Monday and I'm still pregnant. It's enough already I tell you. Anyway, since I'm too tired to do anything, (Even writing this is exhausting) I thought I'd share with you one of my new favorite songs. It's totally appropriate.

Crazy Dreams

So the other night I had two wild dreams. Normally my dreams are the run of the mill. For instance Mike Holmes coming to build me my dream house. (It totally could happen.) I think.

Anyway, in the first we are going to a museum as a family. (That's not the crazy part even though I doubt my husband would be caught dead in a museum.) So for some reason there is a super long line waiting to park in the parking garage down the street from the museum (as if a huge sporting event was going on or something) So I decided (and here's the crazy part) to let the six year old drop me off in front and park the car himself. So while my son is parking the car in this multi level garage down the street, the hubby and I are walking around looking at paintings. So at some point, I decided that the six year old was taking too long, so walk over to the garage to find him. When I get there I find my car but no son and here's where it occurs to me that he might have gotten lost on the way back from the garage. Then I receive a call from the gatehouse at my condo complex that my son is there and crying cause he can't find me. SMH. How he got there without the car is beyond me.




In the next dream, I'm in Massachusetts going to the movie theater in some hick town somewhere. Now this co-worker of mine asks for directions to said hick town. (Ignore the fact that I don't work and therefore don't have any co-workers) So instead of having GPS like a normal person in this day and age and instead of just printing out directions from Mapquest or Google or Yahoo, I proceed to write out longhand these directions. So this guy keeps making fun of me because for some reason I continuously misspell these directions. Don't ask me why, even as I was having the dream, I was thinking that the words were too simple to be misspelled but there you go.

Anywho, I had these two dreams back to back which might mean something but I don't know what.

What the Hell Wednesday - Men

So everyday when I go to pick up the four year old from school, he gives me a hard time. He runs and hides from me. He tells me he doesn't want to go home. Obviously, preschool is more fun than coming home, having lunch and taking a nap. Anyway, yesterday, when the four year old finally decided he was ready to go, all the kids in the class came up to get a goodbye hug from him. Seriously, you would think he was going off to war or something. Sometimes my life is a WTH moment.

My husband has been trying to get a second job. Something with night hours. So Hertz called him up and offered him a job provided that he was willing to jump through some hoops. They wanted to do a DMV check, a drug test, and a background check....(so that they know he's qualified to wash their cars) Anyway they call him up because apparently they are having trouble verifying where he went to high school. Apparently the people who work there now don't remember him from thirty years ago. (Shocking, I know.) Did they have computer records back then? Anyway, they called him up to go to an orientation class on Monday (because apparently there is a right and wrong way to wash and park rental cars) So my husband goes off armed with the address, mapquest directions printed out and my gps plugged into his car. He gets lost. WTH? So like a man, he comes home, having not attended the class, having jumped through the Hertz hoops for nothing (since now he's "done with this job") and angry at me because "the GPS didn't work" WTH? Listen, I am totally willing to pull my weight around here and do all the evening chores since my husband has to work two jobs. But I seriously object to having to do all the damn work when he doesn't have a job and is just in a funk because he doesn't know how to follow directions or (God forbid) ask someone for help. So now he has to start all over again looking for a job and jump through someone else's hoops. BTW, did you know you had to answer a 34 page personality test to apply for a job at Pathmark? Seriously, I've met people there with less personality than rocks. How they passed that test is beyond me.

Check out Stacy and Elle for some more WTH moments.

Post It Note Tuesday: 6 year old Field Day Edition

Yesterday I, as class mom, chaperoned the six year old's field day. I did it last year also so I had a pretty good idea what I was in for. Walking the class eight blocks to the park. Escorting them to different areas of the park for the different activities. Facilitating snack time, lunch time, bathroom breaks. Walking the class the eight blocks back to the school. I didn't know that the first grade teacher was going to be running one of the activities so I would be doing this without her assistance. Want to know what I heard all day?

I'm pretty sure their teacher is on a steady diet of excedrin and valium. Or a saint. I'm just glad I only have one six year old in my house.

Award and Getting to Know you.....

I got an award!!!! Thank you Mrs M!

So as usual these awards have rules. I try to play along when I can. (or at least when it's convenient.) This one asks that I share 7 things about myself. So I stole some questions from






















1. What has been your most memorable Mother's Day?

Well my favorite was when my sisters took my mother and I out for lunch. It is always cool to me that my sisters go out of their way to wish me a Happy Mother's Day . (BTW Thanks Paloma for the chocolate covered strawberries which I got yesterday since I won't see her on Mother's Day.) See, aren't they cool?

2. Have you ever been pulled over for speeding and were you able to talk your way out of it?

No, I've never been pulled over for speeding. Maybe I'm too fast for the radar guns to catch. No, that's probably not it.

3. What's the oldest thing you have hanging in your closet?

My high school letter sweater. (Track captain, thank you very much.)

4. Do you whiten your teeth?

Only if whitening toothpaste counts.

5. Underwear or panties...What do you call your unmentionables?

Panties, although I don't usually go around discussing them. Hence, the un in unmentionables.

6. If you could go on vacation right now, today...where would you go?

I assume this means I have an unlimited budget as well. In which case, a western caribbean cruise of at least a week. or two. okay twist my arm, three.

7. Do you get offended when people cuss on their blogs?

No. Sometime the occasional F bomb is necessary to express a point. Having said that I don't think I would regularly read someone who was F this and Mother effing that every other word. That would be annoying.

8. If you had to give up one luxury item, it would be?

My cell phone. People could just call my house phone, or email me.



So now I have to pass on this award to some other bloggers. Since Mother's Day is tomorrow I decided to pass it on to some mom bloggers who have been having a tough time. After all don't presents make everyone feel better?

The Unknown Mami
Lucy the Valiant
Mama-Face

Happy Mother's Day everyone!

Introducing....My baby shower

So here are some pictures of my baby shower. I could post 100 photos like my sister did on Facebook but that would be boring and I like you better than that.

My sister in law and her daughter.

My sisters who never miss a good photo opportunity.

The haul of goodies.

Food, like at any good Latino party.

The obligatory diaper cake. A.K.A. how to make the gift of diapers look festive.

The kids a.k.a. birth control for the single and childless.

Me.

Random Tuesday Information

I had a baby shower on Saturday. Yay!!!! Photos to be posted tomorrow. Today is random Tuesday. Which means I am still organizing/unpacking my goodies.

My husband decided to paint the room yesterday which means the whole house smelled like paint fumes just as I was going to bed. (Cause my asthma wasn't bad enough yet.)

I watched Tori and Dean yesterday. Tori was getting ticked off with Dean cause he's sex obsessed and interested in motorcycles. So here's a message for Tori. All men are sex obsessed. I'd worry when he stops being interested in sex and becomes interested in shopping and decorating like your gays.

Mimi's Read with Girlfriend's book club is reading the Girl With The Dragon Tattoo. She explained that the first chapter had weird names cause they're Swedish so she renamed them Blowhard and Weinerschnitzel. Then she explained that the second chapter is better containing an investigator, a murder, a weird family and other weird stuff. Personally I think that's much better than the Amazon review. Maybe she has a new career in the making.

My sons fight over the television remote. So the new rule is they take turns. So here's how that goes. Four year old picks Nick Jr. Six year old picks Discovery channel. Four year old picks Nick Jr. Six year old picks National Geographic channel. Four year old picks Nick Jr. Six year old picks HBO. I take the remote and put on news.

I totally forgot today was gym day. I had to go home and get the six year old's gym clothes and drive back to the school so he could change. When I got there he was near tears because he said some of the boys were teasing him cause he wasn't dressed for gym. Some six year old boys should be shot. I'm just saying.

If you think I'm random, check out the Unmom.

Things Kids Say Thursday :Video Edition

So since I'm not feeling well I decided to let the kids take over. So it's really a Things Kids Do Thursday but whatever, let's not quibble with semantics.

After watching this, the 6 year old said, take that red guy out, he's ruining the video! Personally I thought he had hardly any time on camera so gave him an opportunity to star in his own video.

What the Hell am I Doing Sick?

Want to know what really sucks? Being pregnant and unable to take anything! My throat hurts, my nose is stuffy, I'm sneezing and coughing... I have been informed that I can take Tylenol if a fever develops. That's soooo not helpful. Now why is it when I am so tired, my body is physically exhausted, I can't sleep? WTH? Doesn't it realize if I got some sleep, I just might feel better? I decided its the weather's fault. First its nice and warm and sunny, then its cold and rainy, then its rainy and warm, then cold and sunny and supposedly tomorrow, hot and sunny again. If the weather was a person, it would be a multiple personality.

Well that's my complaint for the day, I'm too tired to think of anything else. For more creative posts, see the Blue Monkey Butt sisters.

It's the Monday Minute, 4/26

So I decided to join Ian's Monday Minute this week. If you don't already know about it feel free to check it out.





So now's your chance to find out some completely random stuff about me via Ian's questions.



1. What drugs have you done in your life?



Oh the usual, Tylenol, Advil and the occasional Vicoden.



2. A/S/L



Can I just tell you that I had to have that translated for me. Google informs me that it means Age/Sex/Location. The fact that I had to look it up tells you all you need to know about my age. If I tell you anymore, I'd have to put a hit out on you. As for my sex I'm a girl. Have you noticed all the pink around here? Unless you wanted a yes/no answer in which case yes I have some. Case in point, baby now currently residing in tummy. My location is Union County, NJ which for those not in the know is the North East section of Jersey.



3. Do you pick your nose?



No, God picked mine out and I'm happy with it.



4.What's your favorite childhood cartoon?



This question assumes that as a child I watched cartoons enough to have a favorite. Not so much true.





5. List the URL of the best blog post you've ever done.



What? This one doesn't count? I like to think of myself as a great wine that just gets better with time. So today's is the best followed by yesterday's followed by the day before. It just makes sense. Doesn't it?

Choices, choices

The six year old has been doing much much better with his spelling. This is because I have been drilling the words over and over into his head on the Thursday night before his test and also Friday morning on the way to school. This has resulted in three perfect scores in a row. Woohoo!!!!!



This week he steadfastly refused. He was whining, crying, deliberately misspelling words. (Generally being a pain in my rear.) So I gave him a choice. He could be punished all day Friday, Saturday and Sunday (No TV, no computer, no DS) or he could work on his spelling. Guess what he chose? That's right, the fun fun punishment!



It's gonna be a long weekend....

Dear Husband

Dear Hubby,

Lately you have been frustrated with my laziness. I'm sorry. Here's the thing though. Those two hours when the boys are in school are my only time when absolutely no one wants anything from me. (except for you who obviously want me to be slaving in the house at that time.) So it is hard for me to give up my peace and quiet/computer time and do mundane chores like laundry and mopping.

Good news though. In two months, the baby will be born and both boys will be out of school so I will have no peace, no quiet and no free time and so no reason not to do the chores. Hold on until then, okay?

Love you,
Your wife not your slave

Post It Note Tuesday House Hunter Edition

We have been trying to find a bigger house to live in since I don't want to share a room with baby girl forever. (9 months in utero is enough, really) Here's some post it notes to let you know how our search has been going.

Here's hoping the next one is better. Wish us luck.

Four going on Sixteen?

So it was a quiet Sunday morning. We had just finished our breakfast of pancakes and sausage. My husband and I were downstairs reading the morning paper while the boys were upstairs playing. Or so I thought. Now I realize I should have been more suspicious of the quiet and utter lack of banging and yelling. Anyway the four year old comes downstairs holding his chin which is bleeding with both hands. There is blood all over his hands as well. Questioning the six year old was no help. Apparently he was absorbed on the computer and saw nothing. Or so he claims... Finally, the four year old confessed. He was in our bathroom and decided to give shaving a try. Just took daddy's razor and cut the skin right off his chin. I'm just amazed he wasn't hysterical crying. He went around the rest of the day with a Diego bandage on his chin. Personally, I think he was proud of himself. I told my husband he better keep his blades on a higher shelf from here on out.

Things Kids Say Thursday #6

4 year old: Can I have a snack?
Me: You just had a snack. How many snacks do you need?
4 year old: 2
6 year old: 3 hundred, 5 thousand and 10.




4 year old: Do you want to have a vacation in Paradise? Cause it looks nice there.
Me: Yes. (Who doesn't?)





4 year old: Oh! Great piles of catfish! (I think he heard this on Veggie Tales and was just waiting for the right opportunity to use it.)

4 year old's teacher: Oh are you Prince Charming? (He was wearing a shirt which had a frog with a crown on it.) He looks at her with a puzzled face.

Teacher: What happens when you kiss the frog? He turns into a prince!

4 year old: This is just a shirt.

4 year old:If I eat a lot of food, I'll get a big tummy with a baby in it, right mom?







4 year old: I love you.

Me: I love you too. (Kisses me.)

4 year old: Do my kisses make you happy?

I'm Baaaaack!

Now don't tell me. You didn't even notice I was gone. That's so sad.

The kids were off all last week on Easter break and so rather than stick around the house and let them drive me nuts, I planned lots of excursions. We had picnics in the park, kite flying, a hike in the woods (seven months pregnant, one hour hike, 95 degree temperatures, guess how that went), a barbecue and went to a show. We also started soccer season last week. The worst part about this is the boys are on different teams which play the same day in different fields. (And, as was the case on Saturday, at the same time.) Since I haven't mastered bilocation yet, I was forced to rely on family members to stay with the six year old while I took the four year old to his game. Luckily this week one has a game at 9 am while the other isn't until 11:30 so it will give me plenty of time to go from one to the other. (Of course this also means I can say goodbye to leisurely Saturday mornings for the time being.)

Now back to your regularly scheduled program....

Letters on Facebook, Part III

So if you've ever had a birthday on facebook, you get a lot of birthday wishes even from relatives whom you haven't seen in years. Is there anything more boring than a whole page of Happy Birthday, happy birthday, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Happy Birthday over and over and over? My stepsons had a birthday a couple of weeks ago, they're twins. So most people (poor unoriginal saps) sent the same message to both. For instance, Happy Birthday to my handsome nephew, have a great day! (twice, as if they were the same person or something) I, of course not being either boring or unoriginal chose to put this.



Dear Joshua,

Since I've noticed all your political statuses lately For some reason, he was in favor of the health care bill and was posting about it nonstop, I thought you might be interested to know that you share a birthday with Al Gore. Personally, I think he's a tree hugger and a sore loser but then I don't have to share a birthday with him, do I? Don't worry, we don't have to get into it today, I know this whole liberal thing is a phase you young people go through. I, too, was a liberal for like three minutes in 1988. Then after I was hospitalized for a loss of blood, I got over it. Bleeding hearts aren't my thing. Anyway, happy birthday!

Love your evil stepmother,

Cassie



and for the other...



Dear Joseph,

Happy Birthday! It's unfortunate that you have to spend it in that terrible place known as Miami. I still can't believe people live there, ON PURPOSE. I heard a rumor that it is going to be 80 and sunny out there today. I'm glad to hear you are getting a break from the constant hurricanes. Of course, as you already know, too much sunshine causes cancer, so enjoy your day outside today and then quickly hide inside with the shade and air conditioning....or move to NJ We hardly ever get hurricanes, floods maybe..., your choice.

Love,

Cassie


So better than just happy birthday, right? It's the gift of laughter, your welcome.

Letters on Facebook, Part II

Some of you may have seen my post last week on the letters our family was writing on Facebook. If you didn't (because you were living under a rock or you suck) check it out here.



Anyway, my brother didn't send one to me. Instead when he got back, he decided to post the following to my other brother. To fully get this letter you have to know that David gets his kicks on Facebook by messing with his profile page. At the time of this post, he was a widower living in Cape May but formerly from Flatbush. He's also a surgeon who gives museum tours in his spare time while waiting to graduate from high school. (yeah none of this is true.)



Dear David,

Over the weekend the women decided to profess their love for one another Facebook style. They neglected to mention the men in their lives. We can't help it if you were lame and out of touch. Now since you and I know how we feel about each other (we're way too cool for public displays of sibling affection) I propose we profess our love of butt nekkid hoes, hood rats, fly honeys and old-fashioned prostitutes. And all this time I thought a ho was a ho was a ho. Obviously, I've lived a sheltered life. To do this, I think we need to take our space shuttle to go kayaking on the moon with some of Tiger Wood's leftovers Wait. He left some?, then pour out a little liquor for your dead wife in Flatbush and celebrate her life and times by visiting all the gentleman's establishments in the greater Cape May area. Yeah that's exactly what I want my husband to do when I'm gone. Right after he goes blind with grief. What say you?



J.

Unfortunately David did not respond so I did instead.

Dear Little Brother, Yes, his status as nearly two years younger means that despite the fact that he is half a foot taller than me, he will always be little.

This is to warn you of heading to places without Internet service (like Massachusetts). Not only do you miss out on sending me letters for the cyber world's amusement but you are also reduced to semi attired women and booze for entertainment. Lucky for you it was cold and rainy this weekend or you would have also missed out on a rockin barbecue. You have been warned.



Cassie



My favorite older sister, Despite the fact that I am his only older sister, I choose to take this as a compliment.

You know that feeling when you check the mailbox and you have a letter from a good friend you never hear from? If I never hear from them, why are they my friends? No? Me either. We're not THAT old. Got that right. But I've heard that it's a pretty good feeling. This must be almost like that, only completely different. Because let's face it, there's no feeling like getting a letter that you asked -nay, demanded- from someone. Hopefully this letter feels like that feeling you get from a friend who forgot your actual birthday but called you like a week later and said happy belated birthday. You mean friends in the hospital with amnesia? Cause that's the only acceptable excuse. You know that feeling? Again, not so much. Me either. Anyway for your next blog, if you could write to the writers of ALL reality TV, I would appreciate it because American Idol isn't the only reality show that sucks this year. (See Stars, Dancing with the and Apprentice, Celebrity) K Thanks. Bye.



Sometime after these posts and the corresponding 64 comments that followed mine (not even the record yet) my brother posted this status. J is getting ready to delete 6.3 million emails from facebook...thanks girls. To which I responded, Your welcome, of course.

April Fool's Pranks in Mexico

Yesterday the four year old had school and the six year old didn't. Excited about his day off of school, I told him that he would be going to school with the four year old. At first, he assumed I was joking but when we arrived at the school, he started to believe me. "I don't want to go to their school! It's for babies!" The four year old was concerned that the six year old didn't have a coat hook labeled with his name but I told him that no one would mind if he hung his jacket on an unlabeled hook. That's when the tears started. "No pleeeease Mom! I don't want to go to school!" Is it wrong that I found this to be hilariously funny? Anyway I let him know I was only April Fooling and we went on with our day. We went out for lunch with my sisters and brother about a half hour or so away from home and the six year old kept asking where we were going. Of course, since we were going to Baja's Mexican Grill, I told him we were going to Mexico for lunch. Despite the fact that he seemed like he didn't believe us and we told him he would know we arrived in Mexico when he saw the sombreros and the Mariachi band, he told my husband all about it when he got home. "Dad, we went to Mexico for lunch. They had a Taco Bell there and everything!"

What the Hell Wednesday

Lately, my husband has been home in the mornings to "help" me get the kids ready for school. Notice the quotes. That's because when I say help, I really mean get in my way, make everything take twenty minutes longer than it needs to and give me another person that I have to listen complain before 7 am. Say for instance I make pancakes for the kids one morning. Now on this particular morning, the six year old decided he didn't like syrup. I don't know why. Anyway, my normal response would be, well eat your pancakes without them or starve until lunch. Cause I'm that kind of mom. My husband's response was to pull out another pan and make him eggs instead. What the hell? Now I have an additional pan to clean as well as having lost all the time it took him to make the eggs. Thanks for the "help" hun. Also telling me that I have to get up earlier even with the extra help so we can get out the door ontime, not helpful.

So apparently I am having a baby shower. Now this wasn't a surprise. Having a large and loving family, I had a good idea that one was going to be planned at some point. However, already knowing the location does not bode well for their surprise giving abilities. Of course involved in the planning are my sister-in-law and my husband, two of the worst secret keepers in the history of secret keeping. So should I just pretend to not know or should they just give up on the whole surprise thing?

The other day I was sent a message online from a random Julio Rodriguez that said "love that last name cuz its mine" What the hell? Does he send messages like that to all the Rodriguezes on Facebook? Cause I'm guessing I'm not the only Rodriguez on Facebook. Really he must be seriously hard up for friends and family if that's the best he could do.

I thought this sign was particularly appropriate for What the Hell Wednesday. Feel free to join in on the free flowing bitchfest by linking up with the Blue Monkey Butt Sisters.