Whatever you give a woman, she will make it greater. Give her sperm, she will give you a baby. Give her a house, she will give you a home. Give her groceries, she will give you a meal. Give her a smile, she will give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what she is given. So if you give her crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit. This is totally true.
Grounded for a week woo hooo. Dear mom, Grounding does absolutely nothing to me. If you want me to walk around the house singing 24/7 that's fine with me. Yeah, about two hours of that and I'd be ready to throw her out the house.
Enjoy the weather and that special someone (or someones if you're feeling Wood-ish). Yeah those Tiger Woods jokes never get old.
Almost Friday! You can make it, just avoid any wild dumbasses you may see. They are in season. Amazing, I just saw one yesterday!
I said "no" to drugs but they just wouldn't listen. I know a lot of people with that problem.
Someone was wrong cuz I definitely just watched a pot boil. There's always something to do even in the face of extreme boredom.
Sometimes people are like seagulls...they fly in...shit on everything... and leave. That's when you get out the BB gun.
Feel free to share any funny statuses you've seen lately.