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Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Random Facebook Statuses

I have a very humerous Facebook community. Really it's the only reson I keep Facebook, for entertainment and blog fodder. Here are some of the statuses on my news feed lately.

Whatever you give a woman, she will make it greater. Give her sperm, she will give you a baby. Give her a house, she will give you a home. Give her groceries, she will give you a meal. Give her a smile, she will give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what she is given. So if you give her crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit. This is totally true.



Grounded for a week woo hooo. Dear mom, Grounding does absolutely nothing to me. If you want me to walk around the house singing 24/7 that's fine with me. Yeah, about two hours of that and I'd be ready to throw her out the house.



Enjoy the weather and that special someone (or someones if you're feeling Wood-ish). Yeah those Tiger Woods jokes never get old.



Almost Friday! You can make it, just avoid any wild dumbasses you may see. They are in season. Amazing, I just saw one yesterday!



I said "no" to drugs but they just wouldn't listen. I know a lot of people with that problem.




Someone was wrong cuz I definitely just watched a pot boil. There's always something to do even in the face of extreme boredom.




Sometimes people are like seagulls...they fly in...shit on everything... and leave. That's when you get out the BB gun.


Feel free to share any funny statuses you've seen lately.

50 comments:

singedwingangel said...

bwhahaha I love that last one that one was perfect..

Pamela said...

AHA! lol

VandyJ said...

I've seen mamagers who are seagull managers and do just what it says, fly in , shit on everything and leave.

allstarme said...

LOL those are hilarious!

obladi oblada said...

I love the one from the daughter to her mom on being grounded. I guess her mom needs to find out what would really get to her and do it!

Elle said...

LOL! One of my favorites is "Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?"

Salt said...

I love my friends...I really do...but they are all really uninteresting compared to what other peoples' friends update with. These are great!

MiMi said...

I want your fb friends! Mine are boring sometimes. Okay, so am I. I try to make em interesting, but they prolly aren't.

shortmama said...

At least they keep you entertained!!! BB gun for the seagulls...I feel the same about the dove that invade my deck

Stacy Uncorked said...

Those are great! I suppose I should really start to hang out on Facebook for some entertainment! ;)

RTT: Summer's End, Winemaking and Barf

The Crazy Coxes said...

Great statuses, status', stati? Whatever! You FB community IS entertaining!

ScoMan said...

I just did a scan of my Facebook and everyone has let me down. There's nothing amusing there lately.

My own statuses are usually amusing. To me at least. Let's check my last one..

thinks it's a funny old way we measure love, to find out where you stand when push comes to shove, cos right now it ain't you that I'm thinkin of.. it's me.. it's me.. it's me! Me! Me! Me! I LOVE ME!



And the first response to that, from someone I went to Primary School with and haven't seen (other than when she added me to Facebook a few months ago) for 15 or so years..

well....that hasent changed...

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