Thursday, February 25, 2010

Tiger, Tiger Woods, y'all

I was over at the Princess of Sarcasm and discovered a heated discussion on Tiger Woods and his total lack of moral fiber. Now always one to have two cents to throw in (or fifty two) I decided to link up.
Now if you didn't watch the press conference, feel free to head here and do so...or not. I mean if you've seen one cheating bastard apologize, pretty much you've seen them all. Pretty much he apologizes for being a selfish, irresponsible prick who used and abused his wealth, fame and position. Personally, I could have cared less. Really does anybody care if he was really sorry or not? In my opinion, once a cheater, always a cheater. Either you are a person who takes his marital vows seriously (i.e. means what he says) or you are a liar and a cheater. Not only that I am sick to death of this "everybody makes mistakes" attitude. If it is okay with you to live with someone knowing that they may or may not be faithful to you than fine. You live with that kind of uncertainty(and possibility of disease) in your life. I believe in fidelity. If it were me, I'd have kicked his lying, cheating ass to the curb from the start. (Now Elin, if you have plans to take all his money and then leave him, I'm okay with that too.)
As for his golfing career, as long as he continues to hit the little ball into the hole (something he apparently knows quite a bit about), there will always be someone willing to sponsor him. (Trojans, Tiger is waiting for your call.) Likewise, I don't expect all those companies which dropped him like a hot potato since the story broke to rush back anytime soon.
I say let Tiger worry about Tiger's future so the rest of us can get back to real life.
Now if you're on Facebook you could join the page "Tiger Woods isn't a tiger, he's a cheetah!" or "I support Tiger Woods and his pimping ways." Think about it.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

What the Hell, Again?!?!

Apparently while I wasn't looking, someone picked up my little town in NJ and moved it to Bumblefuck or Hicksville, somewhere in the boonies anyway. I say this because THE DAMN POWER WENT OUT IN MY HOUSE AGAIN!! Now much as I love the Third World, I do not want to live there. I pay an astronomical amount of money to PSE&G because I expect the lights to go on when I want them to. Also, when I am in the middle of preparing dinner is a damn inconvenient time for the power to go out. Now because I am not a fan of burning myself or the food, I was unable to comply with my husband's desire to cook by flashlight. What the Hell, right? I sent his lazy ass for Chinese food. Lucky for PSE&G the power came on BEFORE American Idol otherwise they would be dealing with a seriously pissed pregnant lady.

Now why the hell didn't I become a weather forecaster? I swear they get up there and guess completely while in reality having no friggin clue. Yesterday, the forecast was a mix of snow and rain every damn day this week. Today it has become some rain then clearing in preparation for a monster nor'easter. So yesterday it was going to be too warm for snow and today it is going to be cold enough for a buttload of snow. Riiiiiight. See I think this is really a diabolical plot designed to get me excited about the possibility of a snow day on Friday which will come with rain to crush my dreams on Friday. (I can't help it if I have lame dreams about not having to get dressed and drive kids around all day.)

Well those are my complaints for the week. Check out the Blue Monkey
Butt sisters for more.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Random Tuesday

Today is my oldest sister's birthday. By that I don't mean older than me but just older than all my other younger sisters. Someone mentioned something about going to IHOP for our free pancakes but I guess that isn't going to happen. She just came back from a weekend in Miami which featured an evening of clubbing followed by time at the gun range. Is that awesome or what? She is a fan of the following Facebook pages: I don't care about your fish, or your farm, or your park or or your mafia!!!! and Oh Home Alone? Hello Loud Music.
Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. ~Chili Davis
You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
That's my advice for her today. That and not to tell anyone your age because then they might get funny ideas about mine.
It is raining cats and dogs out there today. I do not like this because if it was only five degrees colder, it would be snowing and I would have a snow day. (AKA safe, warm and dry in my house.)
Registration has started for Spring Soccer. It is kind of hard for me to get enthused about the upcoming season when it is raining, 37 degrees out and there is still snow on the ground.
Do you think it is strange to buy a bathing suit that I can't wear until after the baby is born? Too bad. I'm getting one anyway.

Monday, February 22, 2010


My husband used to be a great person. He was hard working. Even on the weekends, he was not one to veg out on the couch. He likes to keep busy, washing my car, painting walls, generally doing stuff most of the day. Then he discovered facebook. Since then, all his spare time has been spent in front of the computer thinking of witty comebacks and status remarks. When he can't think of his own, he feels no shame about trolling the internet to steal someone else's. Here was his witty remark for the day. Our Munson who are in heaven, hallowed be his name. Thy World Series #28 be won in the Bronx, in 2010. Give us this day, our daily win and forgive us our hatred of the opposing team. As we forgive those who oppose us and lead us not into Flushing, but deliver us from Boston. The power and glory of the MLB. Boston Sucks!! Amen. Anyway I am sorry for being absent this week. Blame Facebook. I do.

Last week I read a few interesting books. I read Firefly Lane by Kristin Hannah. It was a saga spanning more than thirty years in the life of two best friends. It made me cry which was awesome. I read Life Skills by Katie Fforde which was funny and entertaining but contained way too much detail about canals and their locks for my taste. I tended to skip whole paragraphs because it would go into some detail about maneuvering the boat on the canal. Snore fest. I read Smart vs Pretty by Valerie Frankel which was completely forgettable and not nearly as interesting as the back blurb. I read Dexter by Design by Jeffrey Lindsay. This was quite amusing. It intrigued me enough to want to see how it translated into the Showtime series. The most interesting parts for me was how he considers himself a carrier for his Dark Passenger and that Dexter is a complete fabricated persona as a cover for his little hobby. I don't know how they would communicate this on TV. If you haven't read his books or watched the show you probably have no clue what I am talking about. I also read A Wanted Man by Linda Lael Miller which was a historical romance set in the American west. Completely predictable which is why I read them. I can't stand when I go to pick up a nice light romance and it has a twisted ending. Sometimes a girl just needs a happy ending. I would normally put these in my sidebar but since I already finished them, it seems kind of pointless. I have every intention of going on Wednesday to the library and getting a whole new set.

I am still concerned about the six year old. I was informed on Friday that on Monday (next week not today) they will be having Terra Nova testing. I have no idea what this consists of nor do I know how to prepare him for it. The advice sent by his teacher consisted of getting a good night sleep, eating breakfast and bringing number two pencils. I am most concerned about his spelling. On his last dictation assignment in school, he got twenty three wrong. 23. I make him sit down and read aloud. (Right now we are reading The Magic Tree House Series.) He flies through them with very little assistance from me but his spelling remains horrific. His errors are all over the place. He leaves vowels out of words like strem instead of stream. He adds silent e's where they are not needed and leaves them off when they are. He'll leave the w off of write and wrote. He spells cute with a q. It is just a little frustrating to me not to be able to constructively help him.

Well this is becoming a really long post so to be continued....

Friday, February 12, 2010

On Being Driven Insane

My husband just lost his job. Well he works for himself so it really isn't like he's going on unemployment or anything. Let me start at the beginning. My husband is a painting contractor. When I first met him, his work was really busy in the summer but petered out during the winter. He would spend at least a couple of days every week at home because of the lack of work. As the years went by he got busier so at one point he was working seven days a week to stay ahead. A couple of years ago he landed a really big job which has enabled him to work only five days a week. Unfortunately now that the job is finished, he is home everyday until he books a new one. Here is how that has gone:

Day 1: Spend entire day on facebook.
Day 2: Accomplish one item on the "honey do" list while taking breaks every twenty minutes to get on facebook.
Day 3: Follow me around as I drop off kids, go to bank, do food shopping, pick up kids, go to Staples etc. etc. all the while updating Facebook via his Blackberry. Also, spend various intervals complaining about how he hates to be home.
I estimate he has less than a week to get a job before we drives us/me insane and forces us/me to kill him.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Food Network

So I believe that this channel is designed to make me either a) crazy or B) broke. Practically everything I watch gives me cravings. (It may possibly have something to do with the fact that I'm pregnant.) Anyway it really doesn't matter what show is on. Some of the most unlikely shows can inspire a craving. I was watching an episode of Worst Cooks in America and you would think that watching these hopeless chefs would turn me off to their food. You would be wrong. They had to each toast bread and make a custom topping. I mean some of them were mixing weird ingredients, dropping stuff on the floor and I was thinking bruschetta. MMmm. I was watching Dinner Impossible and Michael Simon was making a menu at a zoo. If you didn't see this episode, they wanted him to make a all meat menu for the big cats, a menu for the birds, one for the reptiles etc. etc. So he made a cricket filled lemon ice, for the reptiles. Yes, I was thinking oooh I haven't had a lemon ice in ages. Don't get me started on Guy Fieri. That man can make Polish food look good. If you have never seen his show Triple D, (Diners, Drive-In's and Dives) you do not know what you are missing. In the last month he has had me out searching for everything from a Reuban sandwich, Puerto Rican mofongo, Mexican (and that doesn't take much), pizza, Cuban sandwiches, chicken pot pie and cheese steak. Okay now I am really hungry again. So I could try to ignore the cravings..(yeah I don't think that's going to happen) or spend my days searching out my latest craving. Right now I'm celebrating Chinese New Year with some egg rolls.

Monday, February 8, 2010

A Pain in My Side

So if you have never been pregnant, let me inform you that getting to sleep is sometimes a problem. See, you suddenly have this moving tumor protruding from your stomach which grew practically overnight. Now if you sleep on your back you feel like you have a bowling ball on top of you and you can't breathe. Obviously you can no longer sleep on your stomach because of the moving tumor. So you are left sleeping on your left or your right side. According to pediatric sleep experts, the best side is your left because of blood flow, nutrients, blah, blah blah. So now we get to the real problem. Now I don't know why but the baby is objecting strenuously to my sleeping on the left. So much so that even during the day, I can't say lean on my left side on the sofa. I feel like I have bruises there. Now since I can't take any real medicine being pregnant and all and not wanting to drug up the baby, I have been using my sister Alicia's fool proof pain reliever. She is a proponent of showers. That's right, have a headache? Take a shower. Having trouble at that time of the month? Take a shower. Can't breathe and are dying from your sinus allergies? That's right, take a shower. Now believe it or not, so far this has worked for me so I'm not trying to mess with a good thing. Unfortunately, my moisturizer has not been able to keep up with my new cleaning regimen but a little dry skin is a small price to pay for a pain free existence, wouldn't you say?

Friday, February 5, 2010

F Bomb Friday

Created by Mimi, after you read mine, go check out hers.

This is my first F Bomb Friday. Luckily it coincided with the perfect thing to discuss. The Effing power went out again! See I was peacefully sleeping in my bed when I'm awakened at four in the morning by a really annoying beep. beep.. beep.. beep.. So I get out of bed to find out which freakin smoke detector is going off so I can throw it out the window. I try to turn on the lights and nothing. I click it again, nothing. Damnit. That's when I notice why it is completely pitch black in my house which usually has the standby lights on from the computer, tv, DVD, oven, microwave..... Basically everything in my house has a light that stays on even when it is off because I don't bother to go around unplugging every damn thing. Anyway, the annoying beep was the stupid surge protector for the computer which starts beeping when it no longer has a full charge. So I unplug the stupid thing and go back to bed. Twenty minutes later, beep.. beep.. beep... beep.. This time I kicked hubby out of bed to go downstairs and figure out what the hell is going off. It was the carbon monoxide detector which I guess now needs a new battery. (Great! another thing for me to do today.) So he returns to bed and starts counting down since he gets up at five, I guess he figured that going back to sleep at four thirty wasn't worth it, so keeping me from sleeping was a good idea. #$%&! So he gets up just before the alarm would have gone off. He gets me the flashlight so when it is time to get up, the kids can use the bathroom and see to get dressed. Then he tells me, "You guys are going to freeze." Huh? Apparently our lovely central air/heat doesn't work without electricity and since the power went out in the middle of the night, the temperature of the house had been steadily dropping. #$%&! Then about a half an hour later, (just in case I had fallen asleep by mistake) he texts me to tell me they said on the radio that the power was all out in the area because some idiot drove himself head first into a telephone pole and the pole came down and shut down a transformer. Of course minutes later, I hear the news helicopters circling directly over my house. FYI, they are not quiet. The lights went on just before I would have gotten up.

Facebook fan page of the day: After Monday and Tuesday even the calendar says WTF.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Warning: Gross Subject Ahead

So have you ever been near someone who is throwing up and felt your own gag reflex go off? Yeah that was my morning. Baby girl decided to object to Mommy's scrambled egg breakfast by making me throw up. I made it to the bathroom but not quite to the toilet. Lovely right? So the six year old being oblivious follows me into my bathroom and promptly has that gagging moment I told you about earlier. This of course brings up the inside of my stomach and whatever was left. I then hear the six year old throwing up. He doesn't even make it to the bathroom. I give him a towel to cover the mess while I clean up my own disgusting mess. Meanwhile, the four year old, not wanting to be left out forces gagging noises out and basically spits on the toilet. Not in the toilet mind you, on the lid.

So the six year old was late for school since I had to change everyone in the house, brush teeth again, clean the floors, start a load of nasty vomit towels etc. etc. Good Times...

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

What the Hell Anonymous?

So that Anonymous weirdo has been very busy leaving cryptic comments on my blog. Now this comment Anonymous said... asked for information about solar panels. Assuming I was a person who knew about that (which I'm not) don't you think you should email me the question or leave information so someone could get back to you with your answer?
I am the kind of hombre who passions to seek recent things. Right now I'm building my personal pv panels. I am doing it all alone without the aid of my men. I'm utilizing the net as the only way to acheive that. I came across a truly amazing website which explains how to create solar panels and wind generators. The place explains all the steps needed for solar panel construction.I am not sure about how accurate the info given there is. If some guys over here who had xp with these works can have a peak and give your feedback in the page it will be awesome and I would highly value it, because I truly would love to try solar panel construction.Tnx for reading this. You guys are the best.
WTH? No one is gonna get back to you even though I know we are the best. Sorry weirdo.
Then yesterday Anonymous leaves this as a comment.
Because I'm anal like that I rush over to google translate because I need to know if I'm being insulted in Chinese or what. Here's the translation:
Love is not a charity should not be arbitrarily charity.
WTH? Yeah that had nothing to do with my blog post, moron. Bad enough you leave spam on my blog but now you are doing it in foreign languages?
I would love to know the person who gets these comments and is like, yeah cool, thanks Anonymous. I guess it is the same person who is grateful for the email offering penile implants.
Go on over to the Blue Monkey Butt Sisters for more What the Hell Wednesday.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Random Thought Tuesday, Groundhog Day, Bowling, PJ's

My sister in law's birthday is today. She wants to have a bowling party because apparently she forgot that she is not 12. At any rate, the kids and I were pretty excited since she picked an alley close to our house and one to which I have free games coming to me. (My son was in a league and got a bunch of free games at the end.) Of course yesterday, she decided for some inexplicable reason that an alley in New Bruswick that charges 12.50 a game would be better. Is she out of her mind? Since when is 12.50 an appropriate price for game of bowling? I wouldn't mind so much for the adults (yes I would, who am I kidding?) but the four year old and the six year old bowl at a snail's pace, not exciting and not worth $12.50.

Anyway, the groundhog saw his shadow today, so six more weeks of winter. I think I may be the only one pleased about this. Generally I like winter and summer a lot better than the milder seasons. I think this may say something about my personality.

My son went to school today in his pajamas, on purpose. Today is pajama day at the school. Normally, we don't have fights and arguments about what to wear since he wears a uniform everyday. Today though was prolonged discussions on what he was going to wear under the pajama since it was 20 degrees outside and while the pajama is appropriate for bundling up under blankets and comforter, not so much for school. The six year old also spent much of the morning asking me "Are you sure today is pajama day?" He lives in fear of wearing the wrong thing. I offered to let him wear his uniform as usual and his response was "But you're sure today is pajama day, right?"

Check out the Unmom for other people's random thoughts.