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Thursday, March 25, 2010

Dear Someone

Dear Old Man,

The other day you came out of the house to tell me I should take my kids to the park instead of letting them "bother" people. Excuuuuse me?!? So now riding their scooters in their own neighborhood at 4 in the afternoon is "bothering" people? Let me tell you what bothers me...old men who can't mind their own business and have no job to go to at 4 in the afternoon and so feel the need to yell at me about it. It's not my fault someone decided to lay your butt off so they wouldn't have to deal with you. Go bother the people at unemployment and leave me and my kids alone.

Sincerely,
Neighbor Who Would Be Happier Without You



Dear American Idol contestants,

This is the lamest season ever! The only thing worse than not picking any songs I like (or know) is picking ones I like and then butchering them by singing off key. Do better next week with the R&B or I'll really have to find something better to do with my time. And no one wants that.

Thanks,
Not Even Looking Up From My Book Anymore


Dear Jodi Picoult,

I know you pride yourself on your surprise endings but do they have to be cryptic as well? If you are really set on the ending, making the rest of the book a lot more boring would also work for me. That way, I'd be able to put it down before I get disappointed by the ending. At any rate, my mother thinks that you are sure to run out of diseases any day now so maybe this whole letter will be pointless.

Yours Truly
A Fan (Kind of)

Linking up with ShortMama for more letter fun.

9 comments:

singedwingangel said...

ooh cranky old people irritate me.. I have never watched American Idol, it just never appealed to me lol.

mama-face said...

OH hahahaha. I couldn't agree with you more. (Although I don't have a creepy old man to complain about).
I've watched A.I. a total of ONE time this season. Lame is right; and even if you're an Ellen fan...what qualifies her to be a judge????? (I had to leave at one point when one girl was singing. Yeah, I was holding out hope that someone was going to sing on tune at some point. Crazy I know.)

And your Jodi Picoult letter? hahaha. Maybe she should try another Amish twist? Just thinking. I guess you need a formula to crank out the books like she does.

So... who doesn't love a comment longer than the post? oops ;-)

ScoMan said...

I hate those sticky beak old men. There's at least one in every neighbourhood.

I think my dad will become one. I don't think he has the guts to confront anyone, he'll just sit watching from the window complaining to mum about the world outside.

Symply Me said...

Oh how quickly the elderly forget what it was like to have kids! They are always so quick to tell you how to do it right, even though there's nothing wrong with the way you are currently doing it!
I haven't watched American Idol since the Clay Aiken, Reuban Studdad, season, so I really don't have an opinion, so I'll agree with you instead...STEP IT UP PEOPLE!!!

Unknown Mami said...

Oh yeah, a neighborhood with kids playing in the evening is just the worst! How dare you?

shortmama said...

I hate when books are like that! Suck you in and then blammo, bad ending!

MiMi said...

I HATE when books do that crap!
Hey, is your old man neighbor related to my crotchety old lady neighbor who RAN US OVER?! You should have clocked him.

Carla Smith said...

This might sound cliche, but I would suggest that you "kill him with kindness" as my mom used to say. When someone is rude or obnoxious, do your best to remain positive. A couple of things will happen: #1) They won't know what hit them. They're expecting you to bark back at them. #2) You'll have the upper hand because you never gave them the power to "get to you". #3) You'll set a great example for your kids as well.

The Blue Zoo said...

Wow, what a grumpy neighbor! Im so mean though, I would give my kids LOTS of NOISY toys and let them play down by his house... hee hee!